I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Small penises have feelings too.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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