did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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