we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize