yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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