my vag is so smooth its legendary
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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