I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
