Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
