All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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