what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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