I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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