I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
