Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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