Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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