WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
