is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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