I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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