the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
