I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
