Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
