you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
