She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
