this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm just crazy horny about you
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
