tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
