I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
