stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
