I think scott just propositioned me for sex
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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