Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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