I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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