What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
