I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They are going to name an STD after you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
