what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
