In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
