I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
