Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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