Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
