wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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