end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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