dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
