dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
