It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
