I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
