please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
