when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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