Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
