He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
