My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
