Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
