Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
