ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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