i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
