it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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