i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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