from now on my penis is your penis
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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