SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
