He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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