We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
