ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
