party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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