I think I died a long time ago.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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