Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize