I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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