I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
