Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
