I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize