So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
