his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize