i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am available for nakedness
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
