We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
