After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
