Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
