She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
