I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
