why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
