Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
