Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
