so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
