it's great music for shaving your balls
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I need water and some morals
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
