On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize