Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
