I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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